SOME WORDS ABOUT ANGER

I’m angry right now. I’m angry that the GOP cheated us out of our president’s Supreme Court pick, and angry that they are (presumably) preparing to claim that it’s different now, and this approaching election does NOT mean that they should be treated the same way. I’m angry about various other things, too, the same as many of you. I’m angry that so many Americans are comfortable with the authoritarian tendencies of the Trump administration, and angry that many Americans continue to claim that a Hillary Clinton administration would have been worse. I’m angry about the irrational demonization of people who want to live here but don’t want to make their families wait years for it to happen legally. I’m angry that “family values” aren’t valued when they drive the actions of desperate non-white parents. I’m angry that so many white Americans have such difficulty seeing non-white people as their equals. I’m angry that so many white Americans feel that “whiteness” is being threatened somehow, or that heterosexuality is likewise under siege, or that masculinity is a thing that should never have to accept criticism. I’m angry about all of this, and much more. But I’m also painfully aware of all the times anger has let me down.
My parents’ anger has made it difficult for me to live a healthy life. My own anger has affected my relationship with people I love, including (worst of all) my son. I understand that there are many reasons for Americans to be angry right now. Even the people who voted for Donald Trump, a man I saw as a lousy human being even when he was a Democrat, have some legitimate reasons to be angry. Our government hasn’t served them as well as it might have, given our political system that makes winning elections and staying in office the priority for elected officials, rather than trying to make this country better for the people that live in it. I don’t respect the logic that led them to support Donald Trump as a result of this anger, and I don’t respect the myopia that makes it possible for them to admire him despite his glaringly obvious human flaws, but i empathize with their anger. I know what anger can do to you. Donald Trump has made many of us uglier, more hateful people than we might have been otherwise. He didn’t do it alone, and it wasn’t the result of genius, or hard work, on his part. It was easy for him. It’s easy to tell people that their anger is good, and right, because they already believe that it is. (This isn’t some sort of bullshit false equivalency I’m trying to work up to here, by the way. I’m a leftist. I am on the side of ethnic minorities, and women, and LGBTQ people. I’m not an apologist for white conservatives. Any white conservatives reading this, please understand— I don’t hate you. But I’m not on your side. I have some empathy for you, and I don’t see you as my enemy, and I’m inclined to be civil when dealing with you, but I don’t see the world the way you do, and I’ll work in my own non-hostile way to build an American government that isn’t quite what you want. I’ll also try to be charitable when my side wins, whether the wins are big or small, because I think you and your families should have a good life too. The kind of America I want will treat you well, because you’re Americans. It will also treat some of your enemies well. I hope you can live with that trade-off.) Some liberals and left-wingers are angry at me. Some of them believe I’m enabling evil. I’ve been called stupid. It’s also been suggested that I’m a sort of fifth columnist, or that I’m much like the cowards who allowed the Holocaust to happen, or that I’m much like the white people who refused to help Martin Luther King. All of this judgment, a lot of it from people who I don’t think really understood what I was saying, makes me angry. I wish it didn’t, but it does. So, here’s my message to my friends on the left, some of whom still like or love me, despite my various faults mentioned above. (I know this because I asked them.) I’m not trying to “tone-police” anybody. You should continue to say whatever you feel. But I do suggest- based on the evidence of my own life— that anger is seductive, and dangerous. As Duck (another guy who gets angry, and makes people angry) has pointed out elsewhere, anger is like a drug. It drives you, and keeps you motivated, but it also affects your judgment. I’ve said things out loud when I was angry that almost got me beaten up. And I’ve said things in anger that probably caused other people to never, ever, listen to me again. So I’m not telling anybody what to do, or not do. But I am saying this— anger has never been my friend. If you think it’s your friend, I hope you’ll remember what it’s done to me.